Ahoy, me hearties! Are you ready to set sail on an ocean of giggles? We’ve gathered the best pirate jokes and pirate puns to keep you chuckling from starboard to port.
The best pirate jokes and pirate puns
Whether you’re a fan of classic “Arrr” jokes or clever wordplay, this swashbuckling list of pirate jokes has a little something for everyone – and there are no sea legs required.
These clever jokes and puns make for an entertaining read that’s great for parties, road trips, or any time you need a laugh. So take a break from the serious stuff and let’s dive into some lighthearted, high-seas humour!
Funny pirate jokes
Why did the pirate put a chick on top of his treasure chest? Because eggs marks the spot.
What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school? Captain Hook-y.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C.
What do pirates wear in the winter? Long Johns.
How do pirates like to cook their steaks? On a barrrrbecue.
What do you call a pirate with three eyes? Piiirate.
How do pirates communicate? Aye to aye.
How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? An arm and a leg.
What kind of phone does a pirate have? An aye phone.
When do pirates get to eat cake? When they reach a dessert island.
Why do pirates love binge-watching TV shows? They get hooked.
What do you call a pirate mutiny? A conspira-sea.
What did the pirate say about his girlfriend? “She had me at ‘Ahoy!”
Why can’t you call a pirate? Because they always leave their phones off the hook.
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they just arrrr!
More great pirate jokes for kids
What’s a pirate’s favourite doll? Barrrrbie.
What’s a pirate’s favourite part of a song? The hook.
What’s a pirate’s favourite type of music? Arrr & B.
What’s a pirate’s favourite musical instrument? The guit-arrrr.
What’s a pirates favourite fish? Pieces of skate.
What’s a pirates favourite vegetable? Arrrtichoke.
What’s a pirate’s favourite letter? R.
What’s a pirate’s favourite school subject? Arrrrrr-t.
What’s a pirate’s favourite type of exercise? The plank.
What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor? Robin Hook.
Why did the pirate go to the Apple store? He needed a new iPatch.
How do pirates know they exist? They think, therefore they arrrrr.
What does a pirate name his dog? The Plank – that’s why he’s always walking The Plank.
How did the pirate find out he needed glasses? He took an aye exam.
Where do pirates go for a drink? The sandbar.
Why are pirates so good at solving maths problems? Because they’re always trying to find out where X is.
Which pirate makes the best dinners? Captain Cook.
How did the pirate get such a good price? He bought it on sail.
How do you save a dying pirate? With C-P-Arrrrr.
Hilarious pirate dad jokes
Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground? Because booty is only shin deep.
What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in a snow bank? “Shiver me timbers.”
What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea He got marooned.
What do you call 3.14 men out at sea Pi-rates.
How much did the pirate pay for his piercings? A buck-an-ear.
Why did the pirate get lost? He wasn’t shore which way to go.
Why was the pirate sad when his parrot left? It gave him the cold shoulder.
Why couldn’t the pirates play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck.
How do you make a pirate furious? Take away the “p”.
Do pirates enjoy fighting? Sword of…
Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden leg? Right where you left him.
Why are pirates always healthy? They get such a good dose of vitamin sea.
Did you hear about the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie? It was rated Arrrr.
Why do pirates live life to the fullest? Because they know how to seas the day.
More pirate jokes to make you smile
What did the pirate wear on Halloween? A pumpkin patch.
What do you call a selfish pirate? Extremely arrrr-ogant.
What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian? Aye matey years old!
How does a pirate know when the sea is friendly? It waves. (more ocean puns here)
Why did the pirate go on vacation? He needed a little arrrr and arrr.
What do you call it when two pirates call it a draw? A stale-matey.
Where do pirates keep their valuables? In a jarrrrr.
Why do pirates make the best singers? Because they can hit the high sea notes.
Why did the pirate join the gym? To improve his booty.
What grades did the pirate get in school? High Cs.
What did the pirate say when he left his wooden leg in the freezer? “Shiver me timbers!”
The best pirate puns
I’m so p-irate
No holds b-arrrr-ed
How biz-arrrr-e
Here we arrrrr-e
An aye for an aye
I’ve got my aye on you
Making ends mate
I’ve mate my match
More than mates the eye
After me own hearty
Don’t go breaking me hearty
I’ve set me hearty on it
Tough as old bootys
Bet your bootys
Getting my booty sleep
Booty is in the eye of the beholder
A loot of fuss about nothing
That leaves a loot to be desired
Better loot than never
Hook, line and sinker
Let me off the hook
Take them down a pegleg or two
Shake a pegleg
Turn a blind eyepatch
Parrot fashion
A plank look
Plank canvas
Fill in the planks
Plank your lucky stars
It’s a plunder-ful life
One last pirate pun…
Have you heard any more good pirate jokes? Neither have ayeeee!
And there you have it, mateys – enough pirate jokes and puns to keep you chuckling all the way to the next port! Whether you’re sailing solo or sharing laughs with your crew, we hope these jokes brought a bit of high-seas humour to your day.
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