The humble garden gnome – who would have thought there’d be so many gags and quotes about them? This roundup of 85 silly gnome puns, gnome jokes and gnome quotes has everything you need to celebrate garden gnomes in all their glory.
So what exactly is a gnome?
As the name suggests, garden gnomes are garden ornaments in the shape of small human-like creatures. They often have red pointy hats and impressive beards, and it’s common to see them holding tools or fishing rods too.
The tradition of using gnome-like figurines as decorations goes right back to the Renaissance period, and the 1840’s saw gnomes becoming a popular choice for garden decoration in Britain and France. Fast-forward to modern day and they’re still going strong!
Love them or hate them?
People certainly have strong opinions on garden gnomes. There are plenty of fans who think they’re a fantastic addition to an outdoor space, and just as many gardeners who can’t stand them.
The RHS appears to fall into this last camp; gnomes are completely banned from the gardens at RHS Chelsea Flower Show, and have been for over 100 years (with the exception of a temporary respite in 2013). But the sheer volume of gnome-themed indoor and outdoor ornaments is proof that these strange little creatures remain popular.
Whether you love them or hate them, there’s no denying that gnomes are here to stay.
Funny gnome puns and gnome jokes
To celebrate all things gnome, here’s a collection of family-friendly gnome puns and gnome jokes.
They’re all ideal for a bit of silly fun, but they also come in very handy for greetings cards, gnome crafts, and social media posts of funny garden gnomes.
Lots of authors have been inspired to include gnomes in their writing, so we’ve also rounded up some brilliant gnome quotes for you to enjoy.
The best gnome puns
Get to gnome these silly garden gnome puns – gnome pun intended!
Gnome sweet gnome
Trust gnome one
Gnome business like show business
A little gnome fact
Oh gnome!
Getting to gnome you
I just want to go gnome
Good things come to gnomes who wait
From our gnome to yours
Eaten out of house and gnome
Gnome for the holidays
More funny gnome sayings
What gnome-sense
Do you gnome who I am?
Welcome gnome
Will you be my gnomie?
Until the cows come gnome
In my gnome words
All roads lead to gnome
Trust gnome one
Gnome matter what
Happy and I gnome it
Gnome is where the heart is
Even more short gnome puns
Freedom to gnome
He’s a real gnome-boy
Country roads, take me gnome
Gnome man is an island
There’s gnome body like you
Gnome news is good news
A gnome away from gnome
Hangin’ with my gnomies
Excuse me, do I gnome you?
Go big or go gnome
If only I’d gnome
Gnome pun intended
Funny gnome jokes
Have a giggle with these family-friendly jokes about gnomes.
What’s a gnome’s favourite soap opera Gnome and Away.
Why do gnomes giggle when they play football? The grass tickles their armpits.
What’s a gnome’s favourite part of a department store? Gnome and garden.
Which Shakespeare play do gnomes like the most? Gnomeo & Juliet.
What hairstyle did the balding gnome try to get away with? A gnome-over.
Which internet browser do gnomes use? Google Gnome.
What’s a gnome’s favourite 80’s movie quote? E.T. phone gnome.
What’s a gnome’s favourite sport? Baseball – they like to score gnome runs.
Where do old gnomes go to live? The nursing gnome.
What song do gnomes love to sing? Gnome worry, be happy.
Which Christmas movie do gnome kids love? Gnome Alone.
How do gnome musicians keep time? They use a metro-gnome.
Silly jokes about gnomes
Here’s a second helping of gnome jokes to keep you smiling.
How do gnomes greet each other at their yoga class? Gnome-aste.
Which history lesson do gnomes enjoy the most? The Gno-man conquest.
What do you call a gnome father who looks after the kids? A stay-at-gnome dad.
What’s a gnome’s favourite Christmas song? Driving gnome for Christmas.
How do gnomes greet each other? What’s up gnomie?
Where do gnomes get their garden inspiration? They watch Extreme Makeover: Gnome Edition
Who do gnomes call when they need to solve a mystery? Sherlock Gnomes.
What did the baby gnome cry when it was time to leave the park? I don’t want to go gnome!
What did the gnome who won the lottery buy for his house? A gnome cinema.
When gnomes use the internet, where do they start? The gnome page.
What did the teenage gnome want for her birthday? A new mobile gnome.
What do you call a hollow tree trunk in the garden? A gnome home.
More bad gnome jokes to raise a smile (or a groan)
Still hungry for more funny garden gnome jokes?
Which Simpsons character do gnomes like the most? Gnomer Simpson.
What do gnome sports coaches tell their players? Go big or go gnome.
Why do all the gnomes listen to the old wise gnome? Because she’s gnome-body’s fool.
What government job is best for gnomes? Gnome Secretary.
Where do gnomes do their hardware shopping? Gnome Depot.
What’s a gnome’s favourite baseball movie? A League of their Gnome.
Why are gnomes often indecisive? Because they can’t decide between yes, gnome, and maybe.
What hobby do gnome dads enjoy? Gnome improvement.
What did the gnome trumpet player say when he caught someone using his instrument? Blow your gnome trumpet.
Why are patient gnomes successful? Because good things come to gnomes who wait.
What do gnome cowboys sing? Gnome on the Range.
Gnome quotes
Let’s round things off with some funny gnome quotes and witty gnome sayings.
“Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know,” – J.K. Rowling, “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets”
“Gnomes live ten times faster than humans. They’re harder to see than a high-speed mouse.” – Terry Pratchett
“Trust not in Sprites nor the motivations of a Gnome.” – Jefferson Smith
“I make it a point of honour to have a couple of gnomes in my garden as silent testimony to the right of gnome-lovers everywhere to do their own thing without fear of snide remarks.” – Richard Briers
“Drab Habitation of Whom? Tabernacle or Tomb – or Dome of Worm – or Porch of Gnome – or some Elf’s Catacomb?” – Emily Dickinson
“Bigger is not always better; gnomes and dwarfs are often more interesting than giants.” – Thijs Porck
“Gnomes are supposed to be good luck in a garden, protecting against pests and diseases. A mythic gatekeeper, in the way a kitchen witch is.” – Kelly Asbury
“Giddy is the life of a jolly wood gnome / They have long beards and they love your lawn / They dance little jigs on their little gnome homes / Hooray for the life of a jolly wood gnome.” – Lazlo
More gnome sayings and gnome quotes
“In short, you have all the social prospects of a garden gnome.” – Stephen R. Lawhead
“If I ever wanted a gnome, I guess I’d just stand out on my lawn for a while.” – Johnny Christ
“She lingered in that charming little garden to say hello to the gnomes, such a glorious infestation! How few wizards realize just how much we can learn from the wise little gnomes – or, to give them their correct names, the Gernumbli gardensi. ‘Ours do know a lot of excellent swear words,’ said Ron, ‘but I think Fred and George taught them those.’” – J. K. Rowling
“People kill over money and power and love, but no one kills over gnomes.” – S. J. Kincaid
“Look, the life of gnomes and goblins is nasty, brutish and short. So are they.” – Terry Pratchett
“Call them what you want. Garden gnomes. Lawn ornaments. Little evil outdoor statuary hell-bent on world domination. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that, right now, they’re hiding in plain sight, pretending to be symbols of merriment and good will.” – Chuck Sambuchino
Are your favourite gnome puns on this list?
Have we inspired you to embrace gnome culture, or just given you more reason to steer clear of them? Either way, we hope these gnome puns, gnome jokes and gnome quotes have entertained you and the kids!
More family-friendly puns and jokes
We’ve got lots of other kid-friendly jokes for you to explore.
Sticking with the garden theme, there are flower puns, plant puns, garden puns and tree puns.
Or you could have a giggle with our food themed jokes: vegetable puns, fruit puns and potato puns.
For animal lovers, there’s bird puns and bee puns.
And in autumn, you can have fun with fall puns, pumpkin puns and Halloween jokes for kids.
Last but not least, make sure you bookmark our bumper list of Christmas jokes for kids – they’re perfect for keeping everyone smiling and very handy for DIY crackers and advent calendars.
You can also check out *A Year of Nature Craft & Play for a whole year’s worth of nature-themed activities for kids.
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